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September 2011

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I'm officially giving up

So, I'm starting to realize 2 things:

1. I have no one that I can share everything with completely.
2. I can't deal with everything going on right now. Some shit has gotta give.

I'm fairly certain no one will read this, and honestly, it's probably for the best. LJ is one of the few places I have that I can post and not have a giant audience, which is again for the best, as I'm starting to realize more and more that I can trust very few of the people around me.

I feel as if everyone has some hidden agenda around me, and that every piece of info I share, even information that is purely about myself and has nothing to do with anyone else is going to be shared or documented or used as ammunition against either myself or someone else. So I live in a state where I can't fully tell anyone anything, and instead have to tell lots of people tiny bits of things, and walk on egg shells around everyone, careful not to fuck up and have a TMI moment.

That being said. I'm reaching the breaking point. I seriously don't know how much more of this I can take. I keep trying to put things together and carry on, but everyone keeps dumping their burdens on me, and everyone else is becoming more and more unreliable and untrustworthy. And I'm expected to do absolutely everything myself, while still doing everything for everyone else, and it's just too damn much.

So, I'm finally going to give up on a lot of things. A lot of people. A lot of clubs and involvements. A lot of dreams as well, sadly enough. I can't do it all anymore.

I don't feel like a lot of what I'm doing matters. And I'm starting to feel more and more like what I'm doing is wrong for me, and not the best place I should be in. I'm not enjoying anything anymore. And it shouldn't be that way.
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So, I was trawling through my friends list on LJ deleting all those who no longer post. I've been away for a while. I read this. I know you said it's probably better that no-one reads it, but I'm a semi-anonymous stranger, so I won't do any harm. I just want you to know, that although we don't really know each other, I read this today, and thought about you, and cared. Keep strong and keep dreaming. xxx
I hope that you managed to work things out and people stopped treating you so badly!